Message for YOU

One of the best things I’ve learned.

Is everyone is not supposed to be for you.

Every person is not supposed to like you. You can’t reach your destiny without opposition, WITHOUT NEGATIVE CHATTER.. Without the critics.


Joseph would have never taken the throne without his brothers throwing him into a pit.


David would have never become king without Goliath.


Jesus would have never risen from the dead and brought us salvation without Judas betraying him.


Quit worrying about who’s not for you. Some enemies are designed as a part of your destiny.


Now keep running your race, not looking to the left nor to the right. Not bothered by who’s not celebrating you who’s not cheering you on. Your gift may seem small but if you will develop it. It will open big doors.





Submissive 😑

I realize I wasn’t as clear as I should have been in saying that in all healthy relationships a submissive will have limits. I made it sound like healthy relationships require not giving up control of work or other major life areas. Nope. You can give up control of all of that and still have a healthy relationship. Limits can be anything you don’t want to or can’t give up control over. The reason I say all healthy relationships have limits is that everyone has things they cannot do or cannot accept without harming themselves. For most people, those things include interference in work, family, religion, etc But it also includes things like a person with bad knees kneeling on a hard floor. Or someone who has a phobia of dogs being told to dog-sit for a weekend. And lots of other things.

We all have things that being made to do them/endure them will hurt us, either physically or mentally. And in a healthy D/s relationship these things are talked about and made off limits—along with anything that the sub doesn’t want to give up control of or just wants to say “this one thing here, I ain’t doing it so don’t ask.


So, whatever you think the limit that you have, it’s not your limit, you can do so much more.

You might not like it, All depends on how you interpret it.

But you will look back and the worst thing will turn out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to you.


I Am a Child of Incest — But I Won’t Let It Define Me

AUG 10, 2015 LIFE

In a raw and revealing essay, Rexan Jones embodies the power to overcome.

There are very few people who know the full story of my childhood. Friends know bits and pieces — that I was adopted, maybe, or that my parents have passed away, or that I am uncomfortable in crowds — but the details are often too much for me to share or for people to hear. I’m speaking out now in the hopes of urging anyone having a hard time to seek help, and in an attempt to find other survivors like myself.

I am a product of incest. My grandfather sexually abused my mother — his daughter — for years, eventually getting her pregnant, and I am the result. He’s my grandfather and my father; his other seven children are my aunts and uncles, and my brothers and sisters.

For years, my mother, the oldest, put up with the abuse through a twisted agreement with her dad: Do what you need to with me, as long as you leave the other daughters alone. She was 18 and a mother to me before she learned that he never actually kept this promise, which is when she fled.

She also decided to finally report the abuse to the Department of Human Services. My family had escaped attention by staying on the move and isolating themselves from any kind of community. They lived in various hotel rooms and never sent the kids to school. In a strange coincidence, my mother went to authorities at the same time that two of her brothers were found by police after running away. Their stories were so similar that social workers connected the dots.

My mother, the oldest, put up with the abuse through a twisted agreement with her dad: Do what you need to with me, as long as you leave the other daughters alone.
It took another six months, though, before one pulled my mother aside and asked her gently about my parentage. The whole family maintained that she was knocked up by some maintenance worker in one of their hotels, but the social worker pressed her until she broke down and admitted I was my grandfather’s child. No one caught on earlier — it wasn’t exactly as if she was going to pre-natal appointments and putting sonograms on the fridge. A blood test was more than enough to seal my grandfather’s fate, and he was sentenced to 20 years for sexual abuse and incest. (He was released two years ago, but is on the sex offender registry — I track his whereabouts to this day to make sure he’s nowhere nearby.)

Unfortunately, we weren’t suddenly safe just because my dad was behind bars. My mother started doing drugs, and continued the cycle of abuse. She got a new boyfriend and would use me, a toddler at the time, as a part of their sexual activity — she filmed and photographed me in these situations and sold them as kiddie porn. One of my earliest, haziest memories is being sent to my room for the night because I resisted, and in another I refuse to give her boyfriend oral sex. My mother hanged herself on August 7, 1996, when I was almost 5.

I was sent to live with my grandmother, who had been a silent witness to the horrors her husband performed. She wasn’t mentally stable herself, and she saw me as the love child of her husband’s infidelity — to her, my mother was the other woman. So she regularly beat me, and peppered me with constant psychological abuse. When I did something that displeased her, she reminded me that my bad behavior was because I was a “child of Satan.”

She reminded me that my bad behavior was because I was a “child of Satan.”
Many teenagers are angry, and many experiment with drugs and alcohol and sex. My fury was huge, and I sought refuge in prescription painkillers and pot. I got pregnant with my high-school boyfriend when I was 16 — and my child finally changed my life for the better.

I stopped drinking and smoking the second I found out, and all my focus was on giving this kid a better life than I had. When I gave birth, the doctors took one look at a pregnant teen covered in bruises and reported me to social services. My son and I were sent to a foster home, but the social worker assigned to my case was the same one who had helped my mother and brothers all those years ago. She decided to adopt me when I was 17.

After that, I had some semblance of a normal life. I graduated valedictorian of my high school class. I married my high-school sweetheart, the father of my child. We had another son, and my husband entered the Marine Corps.

Throughout these years, as a stone-sober working mother in her late teens, I struggled with intense anxiety and the fog of depression. I was even institutionalized for a time after a suicide attempt. When you’re in a mental hospital, you can either talk about your problems or color with crayons in the recreation room. Coloring gets a little dull. So I started talking, and I started journaling. I wrote nonstop, in my room, around others, in the cafeteria during meals. It all flooded out. I still read those journals when I’m having a tough day, to remind myself of how much I’ve overcome.

There are other sources of comfort. I have several really supportive friends. My husband and I divorced, but oddly enough I wound up bonding with his new wife. She visited me in the hospital and brought me drawings from our sons. Then there’s my roommate, who is aware of my anxiety triggers. Instead of glossing them over, he pushes me to deal with them — if we decide to go shopping and then all of a sudden I can’t get out of the car, he just sits next to me and waits for the panic to pass. We will chat for 45 minutes while I calm down, and then I’m like, “All right, let’s walk into the store.”

I also have a psychiatric-therapy dog. He’s a big, fluffy Saint Bernard who is trained to know my triggers, and will sit on my feet to literally block them from me and calm me down. If I have a panic attack, he will locate pressure points and push his giant head into them until my breathing returns to normal. I’ve always loved animals, and I volunteer as a vet tech in my spare time.

You may wonder about my health, considering the complicated web of a gene pool I came from. Any diseases that were in my dad’s side of the family I have a high risk for, because I have so much of his DNA. I’ve battled cervical cancer twice, and because my joints didn’t develop correctly, I already have arthritis. One doctor told me, “You’re a 23-year-old with a 53-year-old’s body.”

Dating is terrible for most people, and I’m no different. But I try. Intimacy is really tough—both emotional and sexual—so I set limits. The dos and don’ts of getting close to me.

My sons are my incentive. They taught me how to be capable of joy.
And there are my sons. At the moment, they are 6 and 4, and all they know of my past is that mommy is an orphan who was adopted. When I’m with them, a switch gets flipped and I am in happy mode. They motivate me to get out of bed, to go to work, to keep going, to smile. The cycle of abuse has stopped with me. They are my incentive. They teach me how to be capable of joy.

I’ve spent enough of my life being angry. And enraged about my past, and resentful of my family, and pessimistic about humanity’s enormous capacity for evil. I am done being angry.

I founded a support group for people like me, and hope to form a network of survivors. I am okay with the past. It’s the present and the future — my career, my animals, my hope for love, my bright, beautiful boys — that I want to talk about now.


I have been busy these past few days because of work and my personal chuchu. Haha. Nawawalan na ako minsan ng oras sayo but you never make me feel unloved. You waited me patiently kahit nawawala na sa isip ko na may jowa nga pala ako or kausap kita 😅

Thank you for being understanding and always giving me the time I needed to finish my work. Hindi mo ginawang issue yung trabaho ko..Hindi mo din ako prinipressure. Haha. Thank you babe!
You are such a special person. When I think about the fact that you are in my life, I truly cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. You are so caring, loving, and thoughtful kahit na minsan ang gago. 😑 I know that I couldn’t have found a better person than you to live my life with. You are truly one of a kind!!

I already told you before I don’t usually celebrate monthsaries and chuchu. Kase tumatanda na ako at nakakalimutan ko na nga ang mga date. Haha. Sorry for being makakalimutin. I may forget our special dates I promise not to forget the reason why I choose to be with you.

Nakalimutan ko talaga na 22 nga thinking na nagtweet pa ako. Haha. Kung bubuksan mo talaga yung utak ko puro mga numbers eh! Hahaha 😂😂I know hindi reason yon para makalimutan ko na 22 nga. Haha. Sige na hindi na kita aawayin ngayon.😋 Eto yung gngwa ko knina na sabi ko sayo secret. Hahaha. Wag ka! I’m composing tagalog sentences without using google. Eng eng mo!

I can’t thank you enough for being so understanding! Kahit alam ko na may pagkukulang ako sayo iniintindi mo padin yung work ko at nagtitiis ka pa din pag ikaw na yung nadadamay ko. I love you gago!

Happy 22!


When they see you as a strong woman, they think that you do not need anything or anyone, you can bear everything and will overcome whatever happens. That you do not mind being listened to, cared for or pampered.

When they see you as a strong woman, they just look for you to help them carry their crosses. They talk to you and they think you do not need to be heard.

A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, suffering or falling, if she has anxiety or fear. The important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the fog or a rock in the middle of the sea.

The strong woman is not forgiven anything. If she loses control, she becomes weak. If she loses her temper, she becomes hysterical.

When the strong woman disappears a minute, it is immediately noticeable, but when she is there, her presence is usual.

But the strength that is needed every day, to be that kind of woman, does not matter to anyone.

Honor, recognize, respect and thank the strong women in your life, because they also need to be restrained, loved and feel that they can rest.


YOU can do it! :)

You have to trust your abilities, work really hard and know you can do it. If you don’t get a part it isn’t the end of the world, there will be more chances.
If you are afraid of rejection you won’t learn why you didn’t make it. You just have to laugh about it. You won’t feel great about it at the time, but just know that in a week or so you will feel better..

1.Treat other people with kindness and respect. Choosing to bring joy to other people’s lives will increase your happiness and self respect. Also, often when we treat other people well, they start to treat us in the same way, too.

2. Learn to let go of what happened in the past. You deserve a new start and a fresh beginning. We’ve all messed up and experienced bad things. So don’t allow these memories to rob you of your future. You’re not just a product and a victim of your past. Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions – then put them behind you and start to live again.

3. Work on forgiving yourself. Related to number 2, don’t punish yourself for past failings and regrets. Instead, see them as a lesson, and a chance to learn and grow. Don’t ridicule, demean or devalue yourself. That was then – this is now … You are different – so move on.

4. Keep a journal where you write your thoughts and feelings. When you’re feeling positive, try to savour those emotions and a build a memory trace of all that’s good and positive. When you’re feeling negative, try to show some self-compassion, and seek to be gentle and kind to yourself. You need to work on validating and affirming yourself – not treating yourself like your worst enemy.

5. Be persistent as you work on accepting yourself. A key part of love is unconditional acceptance. So work on loving who you are right now. Only then will you be able to work on changing – because you’re able to accept who you are at the core.

6. Trust yourself. You’re not here to please others. Learn to trust your intuition. You can trust you own judgments as you know what’s best for you.

7. Practice saying “no”. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to decide what you’ll do with your life.

8. Practice receiving and accepting love from others. Know you’re worthy of love – and other people really mean it when they say that you matter, and they love and care for you.

As you approach any step in life, take a second to talk to yourself. Figure out what you expect and what you are willing to accept from this step. Write them down. Then, before and after every small action taken towards that step, reevaluate to make sure you’re sticking to what you wrote down. It’s far too easy to get pulled in by the thrill of things or the excitement of the moment. Be wise, seek advice from God and from people you trust, and know yourself fully. Then, move forward.


Too much to ask

Waiting here for someone
Only yesterday we were on the run
You smile back at me and your face lit up the sun
Now I’m waiting here for someone
And oh, love, do you feel this rough?
Why’s it only you I’m thinking of
My shadow’s dancing
Without you for the first time
My heart is hoping
You’ll walk right in tonight
Tell me there are things that you regret
‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yet
That’s all I’m asking
Is it too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask?
Someone’s moving outside
The lights come on down the drive
I forget you’re not here when I close my eyes
Do you still think of me sometimes?
And oh, love, watch the sun coming up
Don’t it feel fucked up we’re not in love
My shadow’s dancing
Without you for the first time
My heart is hoping
You’ll walk right in tonight
And tell me there are things that you regret
‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yet
That’s all I’m asking
Is it too much to ask?
My shadow’s dancing
Without you for the first time
My heart is hoping
You’ll walk right in tonight
And tell me there are things that you regret
‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yet
My shadow’s dancing
Without you for the first time
My heart is hoping
You’ll walk right in tonight
And tell me there are things that you regret
‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yet
That’s all I’m asking
Is it too much to ask?
That’s all I’m asking
Is it too much to ask?
That’s all I’m asking
Is it too much to ask?

To my JMSK

I’m going to love you. I’m going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones. I’m going to love you when you’re happy and I’m going to still love you the most when you’re sad. Don’t you understand? I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I want to love you, each and every piece of you. I want you with your imperfections as much as I want you for you. And I’m always going to want you, I’m always going to be here loving you with everything together with your imperfections.

Love,everyday I ask myself why you choose me.Why me? I’m always afraid that one day when you wake up and decide not to love me anymore.But every time I push you away, you always make me feel I deserve your love. You always caught me staring at you almost every time. Who would have thought na magiging jowa nga kita? 😅😅 Thank you for always reminding me na I’m not dreaming. You and I, together. Jowa nga 😄 This is reality. You are all mine. Haha. Thank you my love! If one day, you’ll get tired don’t hesitate to leave me.. Hayaan mo na.. Once in my lifetime minahal ako ng isang katulad mo na iba ang mundo. 😁 Maiintindhan ko love! At least I got a chance to know someone like you. ❤

-Truth Slaps